Soooo its my first time writing a "blog". Id say its more of a diary, im not doing it for the attention of other people, just for myself as a way to vent...or just share m feelings. Who knows maybe ill love this?? i recently watched a movie about blogging, she states the our generation craves attention why? why do i feel as though i need the communation, comfort, understanding, love, affection,and acceptance of others? i cannot stand being alone, as though i need somebody by my side constantly. i wish i didnt need to feel a sense of being wanted by somebody to feel content with myself. however recently well at least for the past couple of days i have been. 

i suppose it began during this past summer, i had a boyfriend,asshole, (my made up name for him), he was sweet to me dropped off flowers on my front door step when i was nervous of my first day of school. we had sleepovers and i felt pretty close to him. we didnt have sex if thats what you are wondering right now. anyway he became distant quite quicky so i decided to end it with him. looking back i knew in the back of my head he was talking with another girl. meeting up with him months later i lost my virginity to him thinking, well assuming we were going to be together for a while. as typical as these things always happen he didnt want the perfect relationship i was hoping for. only about 2 months later he has a new girlfriend. i guess that is what has left em feeling...empty? i need to inhance my vocabulary. anyway i am only running with thoughts such as what does this girl give him that i didn't? do they have sex? does he truly like her? does he miss me? OH MY GOD I DIDNT MENTION THAT once he first got with his girlfriend he asked me to "hangout". at this point i have lost all respect for you,asshole. i can imagine he was "hanging out" with other women while we were together. a shallow asshole. as i contuine to let my thoughts run wild as im hitting these keys im coming to a conclusion that i dont nned this persons comfort. affection, attention ect. yet why do i still want it? 

thats the thing about us teenagers... well what am i saying i will speak for myself, i am indecisive, confusing, selfish, unrealistic, and BOLD. 

I sure could go on and tell you everything about myself for instance my hair is blonde, but i want to write this for myself and as a matter of fact, i know my hair is blonde! im very excited to write of my current daily events. possibly this will give me a greter outlook, orrrrr maybe it will just be fun! 

hmmmmm i aspire to be perfect im not sure really why and i keep failing to please myself. tomoorow should consist of more running more sit ups less food and well i dont know what 

i think i will have a goals catagory for every blog i post 
GOALS  get abs, do more than sit ups, get tan, do something kind for somebody tomorrow, dont make one rude comment toward a family member, walk in heels, eat less than 200 calories,  stay away from all social media tomorrow, DOO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE!